10/11/2018

Misconceptions About Long Distance Relationships (Debunked)

Long distance relationships have always carried a stigma. Often times these preconceived notions are completely false.

Here are some misconceptions people have about long distance relationships:


1. Long distance relationships are easy
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Long distance relationships are anything but easy. Many believe that just because you are not together there will be less conflicts and it would be much easier to maintain a relationship. Truth is, the lack time spent face-to-face can result in serious miscommunications which can then lead to even more arguments than an average couple has. Often, it is believed that you do not need to change your lifestyle for a long distance relationship, but every relationship requires compromise, just in different areas. These compromises may not be about who does the chores on what day, but they have to be made about who has to leave their family behind in order to spend a holiday together. They eventually have to be made about who is moving where in order to break the distance. The compromises made can be considered even more difficult to make than those of short distance relationships.

2. They are not a big financial commitment
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Just because you do not have the ability to go out to dinner or to the movies together, does not mean that long distance relationships are less costly than average relationships. Between sending packages, booking flights, and other expenses, long distance relationships can be serious financial commitments. There are, of course, ways to ensure you get lower prices, however, it is still a big financial commitment. Not to mention phone bills and the fact that international couples have to deal with the costs of the visa process.

3. They do not work out long-term
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There are few things more frustrating than being told that your relationship, that you pour so much effort into, will not work out no matter how hard you try. "Why do they assume this?" you may ask. Just because you live far apart, people will assume that your relationship is destined to end and will never make it very far. Many long distance couples have gone on to live together, get married, and even have kids! It is not impossible, it just takes a lot of work.

4. There is minimal communication needed/involved
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Luckily in the 21st century, it is easier than ever to communicate with people from all over the world. We have texting, instant messaging, phone calls, Facetime, Skype, good old fashion snail mail, and plenty more ways to communicate through long distances. These methods are used often by and are vital for long distance relationships. It is unbelievably easy to encounter miscommunications when you're not talking to someone face-to-face so individuals in long distance relationships must be willing to put effort forth to communicate as effectively as possible, especially if there is a language barrier.

5. All long distance relationships are international
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Many long distance relationships that are shown in the media, often through shows such as 90 Day Fiance, are international. However, they are not the only kind of long distance relationships. The words "long distance" mean different distances to different people. In my opinion, a distance that inhibits your ability to see each other relatively often, can be considered long. The distance between California and Massachusetts is obviously a long distance, despite being in the same country. It can also be argued that New Jersey to Massachusetts is a long distance too (that's still a 5 hour drive!). Even though non-international couples do not have to jump over the hurdles of the visa process, they still qualify as being long distance.

6. Cheating is common and acceptable
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I would not recommend saying this to anyone in a long distance relationship unless you want them to go on a lengthy rant and make you feel like a jerk. This is an extremely common misconception that can get anyone in a long distance relationship really fired up. Although there is the exception of open relationships (short distance relationships can also fall under this category) the vast majority of long distance relationships are monogamous and extremely dedicated. People may argue "oh but it's so much easier to cheat from a distance without the other person knowing" but when you work so hard to stay together and invest so much time and money into one person, you're not likely to give all of that up in the name of lust. It is probably easier to get away with it, but who wants to destroy a relationship that took so much work to develop in the first place? When you put so much into a relationship, you're more likely to avoid temptations and fight to stay together, not less likely.

7. Long distance relationships are a scam
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Yes, there are awful people on the internet who catfish or pretend to love someone to get their money or a visa, but this should not lead to the generalization and stigmatization that "all long distance relationships are a scam." These kinds of "long distance relationships" may seem to be more common than legitimate relationships due to the dramatization and increased amount of attention these horror stories attract in the media (especially through the TV shows 90 Day Fiance and Catfished). Most long distance relationships develop from genuine love and should receive the respect that any other couple would get, regardless of what is shown in the media.

8. Long distance relationships are formed out of desperation
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This is yet another super annoying one to hear. Just because you fell in love with someone who you can't physically be with, doesn't mean you are desperate. Often long distance relationships start when you are least expecting to get into a relationship. Maybe you met someone abroad, your significant other moved away for work, or you fell in love with your pen-pal, like I did. Regardless, it doesn't make you desperate to date someone despite the distance. It makes you stronger and more emotionally mature to be able to look past all the things you may miss out on (dates, holidays together, etc.) and still decide that they are worth the commitment.

In conclusion:
Long distance relationships face tons of stigma, often perpetuated by the negative ways in which they are portrayed in the media. It's important for people in long distance relationships to stay strong and not ignore the incorrect assumptions people make. Instead, correct them and help them better understand what long distance relationships are really like. If you are not in a long distance relationship, don't stigmatize those who are. Instead, ask questions and do not assume what you see in the media is true.

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