The Disadvantages of Being in a Long Distance Relationship (And How to Deal With Them)

Long distance relationships can be some of the strongest relationships, but they do not come without their fair share of struggles...

1. You may often feel lonely

When you spend so much time apart, it's natural to develop feelings of loneliness, even when you're not alone. Your partner is your other half and no amount or quality of friends can fill the hole you feel in your heart when they're not with you. These feelings of loneliness can creep up on you at any time and they can be quite overwhelming and hard to suppress. Don't be ashamed of how you feel, even if you feel lonely in the presence of other people. Opening up to those people about how you feel can be freeing and they may even have advice that can help you feel better.

2. You are bound to miss out on each other's important events

The unfortunate reality of living separate lives is that, whether you like it or not, your schedules may not align in a way that will allow you to attend each other's important events. I remember being really upset when I couldn't attend my boyfriend's gradation because my school had scheduled finals on the same day. Do not sacrifice going to something mandatory like finals or something you care really deeply about, to go attend your significant other's event unless you have fully analyzed the pros and cons first. There will be pros and cons for every decision you have to make in regards to scheduling. Recognize that despite being in a relationship, you don't have to sacrifice everything you care about in your own life. There will always be other important events that they will be able to attend so don't get too hung up on any one event. Also, do not get angry at your partner for choosing to attend their important event over yours. It was probably a really hard choice for them to make and they may even feel guilty enough on their own. They don't need to feel even worse than they already do. You are a team after all and need to work together, especially during hard times.


3. You won't always have their shoulder to cry on when you need it

Whether it was a long hard day at school or work, or you had an argument with someone, your significant other may not always be physically present or even able to be reached when you need them. To prepare for this inevitable scenario, do not treat them as your sole support system and rely on them for everything. Your family and friends can be just as good when it comes to listening to your issues and giving you advice on them. Confide in other people that you feel comfortable sharing your struggles with and they can help get you through your initial issues and stress, even if you don't think they're as good at giving advice. Later on, when your partner is available, you will be able to share your issues with them. However, you may even feel better by then and not feel the need to tell them, which can be even better! Instead of having to wait for help or address the stressful topic multiple times, you can move on to more lighthearted topics, diminishing some of your stress as a couple. Of course, don't avoid asking your partner for advice, but definitely have a plan in place if they're not available.


4. There may be days where you are unable to talk at all

Especially with couples in different time zones, this can be really hard to cope with. You may end up falling asleep when your partner is waking up, working when your partner is returning home, or going out when your partner is staying in. There is bound to be a day where you and your partner are unable to talk for a full day. Although it can be really difficult to accept this as a reality, especially during a hard day, it is likely to happen at some point. Be sure to stay calm and remind yourself that just because they're not talking, doesn't necessarily mean that something bad happened, they're mad at you, they had some sort or emergency, or they're cheating on you. Take it for what it is: they are too busy at the moment to talk. Absolutely do not make assumptions about something being wrong or them being hurt. Those thoughts can cloud your judgement and fill you with lots of anxiety.

5. You may feel resentful towards other couples

When someone has something that you wish you had (their partner by their side) sometimes you can't help but feel jealous and even resentful. This is normal and you shouldn't be mad at yourself for how you feel, however, it's not healthy to outwardly take out your resentment towards other couples. Remember that they are not causing you to be apart from your significant other and they can't control the fact that they're together anymore than you can control being apart; distance just happens or it doesn't. Redirect your emotions towards something more positive, whether that be working out or trying really hard in a hobby. Pride is a far more satisfying feeling than jealousy.

6. Technology is important, but may not always work in your favor

I know that I personally struggle with having a horrible WiFi connection. Often, my boyfriend is just a lagging fuzzy blob on my screen which can be really hard when I need to talk to him face to face or he's trying to show me something. Cell service can also be pretty spotty in certain areas. As frustrating as it is, sometimes you don't have a choice but to settle for a phone call or even just a text. Once again, avoid feelings of resentment and recognize that it isn't their fault and that they probably want to see you face to face just as badly. Stay calm and just go with the flow.

7. Traveling can be annoying and costly

Even when you live in the same country, flights can come with a large price tag. If you can drive there, gas is still expensive. Not to mention the inconvenience of being on the road for hours of waiting for a delayed flight. The best way to combat this is to hope for the best but plan for the worst. If you're driving: have extra money on you just in case, make sure you have plenty of music ready to play, program your GPS early, and leave before or after rush hour. If you're flying/taking a train/bus: also have extra money on you, pack a pillow to be extra comfortable, be sure you have your phone charger in an easy to access part of your bag, bring a portable battery in case a port isn't accessible, pack headphones, download some Netflix shows/movies, set up a playlist. There are so many things you can do to ensure that you're prepared. In terms of the price: explore all the different discount flight services (Expedia, Travelocity, @JetBlueCheeps on twitter, etc). Check out websites that can predict whether flight costs will go up or down (such as Hopper) and snag your flights at the lowest price.

8. Misunderstandings are far more likely

When your main form of communication is text, misunderstandings can be quite common. It can be hard to extract tone of voice, sarcasm, humor, intention, facial expressions, and more, from a simple text message. Even phone calls can lead to misunderstandings. Only your partner truly knows how they intended their words to be read so give them the benefit of the doubt and don't make accusations that they meant something that they truly hadn't. Ask for clarification and give them the chance to better explain what they meant.

9. Arguments may last longer

Due to more frequent misunderstandings, arguments are more likely to be drawn out and unresolved, instead, just dying out because you get sick of arguing. For long distance couples, it's not like you can show up at their door with their favorite movies and snacks to ask for forgiveness. "I'm sorry" gifts aren't likely to make it to their door until long after the argument has ended. Flower delivery services are expensive. You can't just give your partner a meaningful hug and a kiss or an "I'm sorry" with eye contact. Sadly you often have to settle for a text or phone call apology, which can be hard to draw meaning from. Words are just not as powerful as actions, but they couldn't take those actions, even if they wanted to. Try to avoid phrases like "that's not good enough." They would likely do better than just a sorry if they were physically and financially able to. You just have to work with what you can get. If you don't feel like their apology is good enough, ask them to clarify what they are sorry for, so that you know the apology is genuine and heartfelt.

In conclusion:

Long distance relationships can come with a long list of cons which may or may not be deal-breakers to you. Assess each con carefully and decide whether or not the person you are interested in is worth that potential sacrifice. It's also important to remember that each couple has a unique situation and different struggles. You may have more or less issues than another long distance couple. Do not anticipate that you will face every single issue that another couple dealt with, but be prepared to address issues that other couples have faced. There are ways to make every con seem less damaging/deal-breaking, but regardless of that, everyone is different and can/can't handle certain things. Do not get into/stay in a relationship that you can not handle the cons of. It will only be more damaging in the long run. If you do get into/stay in a long distance relationship, be ready to combat these issues together as a team. Do not let the disadvantages discourage you from pursuing a relationship you think is worthwhile.

10 Ways To Stay Strong When You're Apart

It's tough to spend long spans of time apart, but there are ways to make it less difficult...

1. Share your feelings with your partner

It's important to remember that nobody understands your situation quite like your partner does. You are going through it together after all. You should never be afraid to be open and honest about your emotions with them. It is likely that they can relate to how you feel and even provide support. Being able to relate to how someone else feels will make you feel validated and less lonely.

2. Spend time with your friends and family

It may be hard to even drag yourself out of bed when you know that you can't spend the day with the one person you really wish was there. However, it is healthier to push through the struggles and not deny yourself the ability to have fun and enjoy time without your significant other by your side. You're not obligated to be on the phone/texting them all day just because you miss each other. You're allowed to have fun without them and it can distract you from being sad as well as improve your overall mental health. When you're happier, your relationship is bound to be happier.

3. Make a gift for your partner

I've found that something as simple as working on a handmade gift for your partner can get your mind off of your sadness and lift your spirits. This can even be as simple as writing them a long, well thought out letter. Putting time and effort into a gift will allow you to focus and clear your head while also building up excitement for when you get to see them open the gift you made. It can help improve your mood and your partner is sure to love it. It's a win-win!

4. Look at pictures you took/make a scrapbook

A good idea for cheering yourself up when you're feeling lonely after a visit is to look back on all the great memories you made and remind yourself that you will make even more great memories next time too. It's important to drill into your brain that there will be a next time. Much like making a gift for your partner, making a scrapbook allows you to clear your head. It also leads you to focus on the great memories you made, instead of the loneliness of being apart. Physically putting pictures together into a book as opposed to just having them in an album on your phone makes you spend more time looking at each picture, and thinking about all the fun you had together. The more you are reminded of and focus on a happier time, the less you will think about the pain that you're going through from being apart.

5. Start planning your next visit

One of the most difficult parts of visits coming to an end is not knowing the next time you will be together. Trying to book your next visit shortly after your last one can help provide motivation. Knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel can keep you pushing forward with increasing excitement as the day you're together again gets closer and closer. It also gives you a longer span of time to book the flights, to ensure you get the best deal possible.

6. Have a Skype/Facetime date

When you are too far apart to have a "real" date in person, dates over a video chat can help cheer you up. Of course, video chatting may not be as much fun to you as a normal date would be, but it can help to ease the pain, even if only by a little bit. Try watching movies or shows on Netflix together by hitting play at the same time. Maybe even grab a bowl of popcorn while you watch. You can also try just eating at the same time to get the basic idea of a dinner date (this may be more difficult if you're in different time zones). If you both like video games and own the same console, buy the same online game and play together. Regardless of your situation, there are endless amounts of ways to have a "video chat date," sometimes it just takes a bit of creativity.

7. Put extra effort into your hobbies

This is kind of cliche but it is true that when you're feeling down, putting more effort into something you enjoy doing can help you cheer up. By spending more time and effort on your hobbies, you're bound think less about your situation and make improvements that you can feel proud of. The pride from your accomplishments can help lessen the pain of missing your significant other.

8. Try not to talk too often

Communication in a long distance relationship is super important, but talking too often can sometimes be detrimental. If you talk too often, you may run out of things to talk about and then suddenly your conversations are no longer as meaningful. It can make your time apart harder as you may start to view your relationship as boring when you're apart. Also, often you'll end up exchanging lots of "I miss you" texts. This can keep your mind focused too much on all the negatives. It's better to limit your conversations so that they're always meaningful and keep you thinking positively.

9. Don't assume anything about what your partner is up to

Misunderstandings are not uncommon in relationships, especially when you're long distance. Situations and conversations can easily be misinterpreted. Be careful not to read too much into these kinds of things and instead, take everything at face value. Never blindly assume or accuse your partner of cheating in any form. Have mature conversations and talk things out. Chances are, you're just misunderstanding. However, if you come in with an accusation instead of a conversation, your partner may view your relation as lacking trust and start questioning it. Stay level-headed and always think before you speak.

10. Every day, remind yourself that distance is temporary

Whether you are just apart while at college, or you are living apart year round, remind yourself that this is not a permanent arrangement. If you chose to pursue (or continue to pursue) this relationship despite distance, chances are, you're in this for the long haul. After spending so much time apart, you will have an unbelievably strong relationship. When you finally get to live together, it will make all of that time worthwhile.

In conclusion:
Spending extended periods of time apart can be really difficult, but it's definitely not impossible. Take care of your mental health, don't put your life on hold, and keep moving forward; the time will go by much quicker!